Eins zwei drei vier
by van Helsing
Summary: Rip van Winkle fic. A re-write of what happened in Manga 5, and backstory. All characters are property of Kouta Hirano, all lyrics property of the artists. (full credits at the end of the story)
1. Dead Stars

Chapter 1: Dead Stars Still Burn

_"Put us on display   
For everyone to see   
We write the words   
For all to understand  _

  
We find ourselves   
In pictures on the net   
Blinded by science   
Addicted to devotion   
I'm in your hold   
Eager to abuse   
My favourite game   
I suffer from misuse"

As fast as she could, she whirled. The plane was still heading for her, even though she'd shot it out of the sky. She stared in disbelief as the carrier she was traveling on went up in flames and smoke. She turned her eyes back towards the clear sky, but there was no sign of the plane. Instead, there was Nothing, and it was heading right for her. 

It cried out at as its Nothingness spread, the garbled words taking form as it got closer to her.  "LET IT BE! Or you will be confined to the frozen depths of Hell for eternity!" It hit the ground, rocking and shaking the carrier beneath it. It moved like liquid shadow, enveloping all it passed. Flames silhouetted its shape in the half-light, revealing it to be something resembling a human. It continued to saunter towards her, seemingly unaffected by the flames licking at it and the bullets that were being fired into it. It stopped several feet before her, and raised its head. She stumbled backward, clutching her gun for support. The flicker of the fires revealed a man's face to her. Red eyes, blood red lips, and skin as pale as ivory.

"Mein Gott...," was all she could manage to press past her lips. He reached for her, his long fingers seeming to extend towards her rather than the creature actually leaning in to touch her. He smiled, a gruesome smile, showing the tips of his sharp fangs.

*BANG*

She blinked, suddenly covered in blood and pieces of skin. For a moment she thought she'd been hit, but she looked up at saw that the figure before her was now missing half his head. She dove out of the way as a second shot was fired, hitting the ground and ripping the knees of her trousers open. What remained of the creature swaggered slightly, then began to laugh. It laughed and laughed and laughed until there was nothing left but shadow. Captain waved to her, and she saluted in return, gesturing that she was okay. She glanced down at her skinned knees and brushed off her jacket, removing the ash and some of the blood and skin. Wiping the sweat and blood from her face, she looked up, only to find that the Shadow had begun to reform, and was now attacking the Captain and his troops. She rushed to help, bullet fire ringing in her ears as it recoiled off the sides of the carrier. Suddenly, there was another, larger explosion. It threw her to her knees. _Nebelhandgranate_s* didn't even so much as slow the creature's advance towards the Captain. They continued shooting .The shadow massed about them, consuming them. It blocked out the rising moon. They were still shooting. The Shadow spread, tangling and twisting about them, engulfing them. The shooting stopped, replaced by screams. Dying, they were dying, and there was nothing she could do about it! The screaming was slowly replaced by laughter.

"Come to me, little one. Come back to your Sire. I never meant for you to be the plaything of these pigs." She cowered before him, tears running down her face.

"M-master...?" She rubbed her eyes, not quite believing what she was seeing. She stood, but the bindings around her forced her to either kneel back down or advance and strike. She chose to kneel, even though the bindings tugged her towards him.

"What have they done to you, childe of Dracul? You should be strong and mighty. Not cowering and whimpering before me. Get UP! Come ON!" She gasped, struggling to rise and at the same time keep herself from attacking him. She closed her eyes, her life flashing before them. Memories of the day she was embraced came flooding back to her, washing over her in waves of fear and panic. She snapped her head up, refusing to succumb to pain long since passed. She wiped away the tears from her face.

"YOU did this to ME!" she spat. Narrowing her eyes, she slid her fangs out, feeling her face and mouth contort with the effort. She pushed her glasses up her nose, violet eyes afire. "I WILL KILL YOU!" She raised her gun, pointed it right at his heart, and let it fire. The magic bullet ripped though him, exited out through his back. He smiled, licking blood off of his lips.

"You missed, libeling." She cringed at the pet name. It was what Kreig had become accustomed to calling her. He laughed again when she smiled at him. It soon stopped, as the bullet that has exited from him came back for another round. It ripped through his belly, splattering entrails over the deck of the ship. Again and again it hit him, finally coming to rest in his skull. He doubled over, didn't move. She took a tentative step towards him. Nothing. She took another step. He whipped his head up, and, with half a face, slurred "You'll have to do better than that, childe of Dracul." He began to move towards her, slowly cornering her. 

"NO! I won't give you the chance to kill me again." She was half running, half limping away from him. He reached for her once more, this time his hand met with her long raven hair. He pulled her to him, slowly. She struggled to get herself free, only to get hit in the face.. The force of the blow shocked her, her lips bleeding from the impact. His hands closed around her slender neck, and he raised her off of the ground. She gagged and fought at first, but finally got used to the choking sensation.  He looked at her, tilting her head so that they were eye to eye. The bindings twitched and burned as she struggled to free herself from her Sire's grasp, but it was no use.

"Feisty, aren't we, leibling?" he smirked, his toothy grin wide and menacing. He pried her gun from her grasp, and shoved it through her stomach, pinning her to the wall. She cried out, screaming in pain and panic. Tears  and blood mixed and ran down her cheeks, sweat and soot trickling into her eyes. She coughed, blood flowing over her lips. Everything went stars for a moment, before she snapped her vision back to her attacker. The look upon his face was hard to read- Regret? Sorrow? Pity? Disgust? She couldn't pin it. She gasped, felt her lifeblood seeping away from her. "Anything to say for yourself, Rivenna?" He looked at her, all emotions drained from his pale face. She shook her head, crying. Then, against her will, uttered the words,  "Sieg Hiel."

His eyes widened, and he reached for her again, but this time his touch was gentle. He touched her face, and, suddenly, grabbed a hold of the binding that Krieg had wound her in, and tore it from her skin. It ripped away, drawing a single drop of blood from every pore  as it was removed. She gasped, and passed out. She was only vaguely aware later when they removed the gun from her stomach and placed her on a stretcher, taking her back to the Manor with them.

* German stick grenades


	2. Damn Cold Night

Chapter 2:  Damn Cold Night

"Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?  
Won't somebody come take me home?

Wont you take me by the hand   
Take me somewhere new,  
I don't know who you are but I,  
I'm with you."

It was a cold day. I awoke slightly before dawn, shivering. The air hung heavy in the tenement; cold and filled with the scent of ash and filth. Rubbing the dirt out of my eyes, I got out of my cot. Bare feet met cold earth. I sat for a moment, my stomach twisting and my insides burning.  In the pit of my stomach, hunger and fear mixed to nauseate me.  I shook myself to clear my vision, then headed to the bath room. Everything seemed fuzzy.

"Rivenna!" the nasal voice behind me seemed surprised to see me.  I turned, and there stood Herr Doktor Mengele, clean shaven and looking unusually rested. He bent down, his clear eyes sparkling. "You are feeling well, ja?" I nodded. He seemed taken aback by my response. "Anything unusual?" I shook my head, trying not to wriggle. He smiled, then patted me on the head. "Good girl. You are my Liebeling, ja?" I nodded, and he smiled again, then turned and walked away. Later that day he took me into his lab, where he had me sit up on the examining table. I hoped that I hadn't done something wrong, but all he seemed to be doing was giving me a physical. I allowed myself to relax. Nothing could be as bad as yesterday had been. I closed my eyes, waiting, recalling the day before.

It had burned. He had injected something into my vagina, and it burned for hours afterward. I suppose he has not expected me to live, looking back on it now. It was days before I could go the  bathroom without pain, but that first day had been the worst. I dreaded the next experiment, shook with fear and an agony left from the previous experiment.

"Rivenna." I looked up, roused from my thoughts. He was standing there, a syringe and scalpel in one hand, a clean white cloth in the other. "Are you a good girl?" I nodded. "Do you want to be my favorite patient?" I nodded again and he smiled, placing the scalpel on a small tray by the table. "Good Liebeling." He swabbed my arm with a piece of cloth slightly damp with alcohol, then inserted the needle into my flesh. The clear liquid swirled in the syringe as he injected it into my arm. After he removed the syringe, I felt sick, and after a few minutes my arm began to swell. I was to the point of tears, but not allowing myself to fully cry. I wanted to make him proud. Papa Mengele was the only person left to care about me now. I told myself that if I could just be a brave, strong girl, Herr Doktor would like me more, and then, perhaps, I could leave this place. He had turned away, and was looking in a book on the counter top. The room suddenly spun around me, and I lost control of myself. I felt myself fall over, and my body began to convulse. I struggled to get up, hoping that Papa Mengele hadn't seen me fall… It was too late. My face, now soaked by tears, was raised, and through the muscle spasms and the tears I could see the Doktor's face, gentle and stern, almost concerned. I was laid on the table and allowed  to fall asleep. 

Several hours passed before I came to, and when I awoke I was all alone in the room, still on the table, but now nude. I struggled to get up, but I hurt too much to move. It wasn't long before Papa Mengele came back. He seemed delighted to see that I was awake. 

"Rivenna! You are awake! Good." He took my pulse and a sample of my blood. "Now," he was cleaning his scalpel again "to get back to work." He strapped my arms by my sides, and secured my feet so as to prevent me from moving. "You are my favorite, Rivenna." He smiled, and I tried to smile back. "Remember that, Liebeling." I nodded, as much as I could. He broadened his smile, then put the scalpel to my bare flesh. I screamed, and he told me to hush, that this was for the good of science, and that it was a way to repent for my "filthy blood." I tried not to cry, but I couldn't help it. Blood flowed everywhere, I could see inside of myself, my entrails laid bare before me. Though some mercy, I was able to pass out.

I awoke to the smell of feces and blood. Opening my eyes, I realized that there was snow on my face. All around me snow-covered bodies were piled, and someone was standing over me. I tried to move, but my body refused to respond. I could smell rot and pus on myself, and was blood everywhere. The figure bent over me, and picked me up. He began to carry me away from the pit. As we traveled and left the smell of flesh and feces behind us, I realized that the smell of death seemed to be coming from the person that was holding me, rather than the sea of corpses we were slowly leaving behind. I threw up, soiling myself and this stranger, and he seemed not to notice. We walked for what seemed to be forever, the moon shining on us from above, bathing my swollen, naked body in cool, pale light. We finally stopped in a wooded clearing where a small stream babbled and sang. They laid me on the ground, a patch of soft moss untouched by frost and snow, close to the brook. The stranger took out a canteen and filled it, then brought it over to me and began to clean my face off. The water was ice cold, but it felt good. Anything reassuring me that I was alive and out of that place was a gift from God Himself. Slowly the debris and dirt was removed from my body. I shivered uncontrollably, but was very grateful for being cleaned. I looked at him, hot tears staining my cheeks.   
  


"Danke…" I was barely able to get the word out. I could see that my rescuer was in uniform, and I assumed that it was a man. I felt him smile.

"You're welcome." A deep, clear voice replied. All at once I was afraid and relieved. His voice was frightening, yet somehow a comfort to me. I felt him smile again. "Little one, what is your name?"

"Riven..na… Kratz…enburg…" With every breath I took, sharp pains rocked my body. He nodded to himself, then pressed the canteen towards my lips. I slowly drank, not able to take more than a few sips.

"Do you want to die, Rivenna?" I shook my head, horrified. I didn't escape that place just to die.

"Nein."

"Then you shall walk with me, eternally. You will be my secret, my little one." He leaned in, placing his lips on my throat. I panicked for a moment, not understanding. Slowly he opened his mouth, and I felt a sharp prick, followed by a sensation of pressure. Suddenly I didn't hurt anymore. I closed my eyes, dimly aware of the hot substance being poured over my lips and into my mouth. I fell into a dark, cozy sleep.

I awoke dressed in a German military uniform that was much too big for my thin frame. I could hear the stranger moving in his sleep next to me. I sat up, chilled and hungry, and shook him slightly. The half light of the morning revealed him to be a good looking man in his early 30's. He rolled over, and smiled. "You're awake." I nodded slowly, still aching and stiff. He stood up, stretched, and picked me up. He began to walk.

"Where are we going, Meister?" The word left my lips before I could even think about it. He smiled.

"Auschwitz," he answered simply. I couldn't believe my ears.

"All of THAT? All of the recovery and the running away, just to go BACK?! NO NO NO!" I struggled against him, hitting him, kicking. He was seemingly unaffected by my fit.

"Not to go back, little one. To get revenge. And to liberate your people." He looked down at me, tiny and frail in his arms. How was I going to free my people?

"Everyone. Not just my Roma," I said, convinced that he wouldn't allow me to free the Jews. He smiled.

"Whatever you want, little killer." He grinned, and we continued our journey back to the camp of death.


	3. Free Bird

Chapter 3: Free Bird__

"If I leave here tomorrow   
Would you still remember me?   
For I must be travelling on, now,   
There's too many places I haven't seen…" 

When she awoke, she was in a clean, white bed. The sun was streaming in through a space in the heavy velvet curtains, and everything was quiet. She took a deep breath, relieved that she was not dead, and even more delighted to find that the ties das Millennium had her bound with were completely gone. Almost as if someone had washed them away from her. Flashes of memory streamed back to her, but she chose to mostly ignore them for now. It had been a long time since she had felt this safe, this quiet. There was no one nagging her mentally, no one demanding anything from her.  She lay back on the soft pillows, allowing herself to drink in the room. It was a plain room, while at the same time majestic. The ceilings were high, and the windows extended nearly floor to ceiling. The walls were a soft, patterned cream colour, and the ceiling matched, the patterns extending into a faint relief. The carpet was a steel blue, speckled slightly, as if it had faded from some darker colour over years of use. In the air hung the scent of lilacs, though no flowers adorned the room. There was a simple writing desk and chair in one corner, and a dresser to match in the other. By the bed there were two bed stands, mismatched. On one of them there was a pitcher and a bowl. She got up, and found the pitcher to be full of water. She poured a little into the bowl and drank it, then poured the rest in. As she washed her face, she began to think about where she might be, and how she might have wound up there. Her last memory was of agonizing pain and her Sire… Removing her bonds from her.

"Excuse me?" the voice startled her. She spun, face still wet, and found herself facing a man she had never seen before. She wiped her face and jumped back into bed. She hadn't noticed until the man had walked in, but she was nude.

"Wer sind Sie?" she snapped. 

He smiled, and answered, "Who am I? My name is Walter Dollenz. I am the Retainer of the Hellsing Family, and assistant to Sir Integra. I believe you know her?" She quickly nodded. He smiled. "It is good to have you here, Little Dracula." He winked at her, his smile becoming much more sincere. "Are you hungry?" 

"Yes. Very." She struggled to keep her dialogue in English. It was only polite, after all. He nodded.

"I had a feeling you might be hungry, so I brought up something with me when I came to check on you. Just in case you were awake. I had a feeling you would be." He brought in a tray from the hallway. On it were several bags of blood, and a large glass of water. She wiped the saliva from her lips, and devoured the food. Walter stayed with her as she ate, and spoke to her of her Sire and Sir Integra, and how they were planning on having her work for Sir Integra. She wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea, but anything was better than being bound to Krieg and das Millennium.

"Danke." She looked at the empty blood bags and the drained glass of water, and sighed contentedly. She nodded her thanks, and he removed the tray.

"Sir Integra will see you shortly, I'm sure." He nodded, more to himself than to her, then quit the room.

She sat for a moment, contemplating everything that had happened to her. Memories tried flooding back again, but she shoved them to the back of her mind for a later time. _Not now,_ she said to herself. _I need to be focused now…_ Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft tapping at her door.

"May I come in, Miss van Winkle?' The voice was deep, slightly husky- more that she would have imagined coming from van Helsing. 

"Enter."

The door opened, and in stepped one of the most beautifully intimidating persons she had ever seen. Van Helsing towered above her as she stood over her bed. Her long blonde hair cascaded in a soft waterfall-like effect around her thin, well-shaped face. Glasses rested gently on the tip of her elegant nose, accentuating fine cheekbones. Rip was taken aback by the intensity behind her pale blue eyes, and averted her gaze almost as quickly as she had met it. She smiled, and it somehow made her seem all the more intimidating. This was a woman who knew what she wanted, and got it at the snap of her delicate fingers. Rip stared at her hands, noticed that they were cut and burned.

"Your little Millennium party certainly had us in an uproar." Rip looked up at her again, this time not directly. "But Alucard tells me that you were a pawn in all of this as well, so I suppose we'll let your involvement in this slide, just this once." Rip nodded, thankful that this terrifying woman wasn't displeased with her. Van Helsing smiled again, then got up quickly, as if she had remembered something she needed to do. "Make sure you heal completely. I don't let people function at half potential here." She said it without turning, and quickly left the room. Rip sat quietly on the edge of the bed, puzzled. Why had van Helsing not killed her? Why has she not demanded her to repent or to serve her until she had made up for her sins? Nothing was making any sense to her. Rip found herself unable to think. She shook her head to clear it, but nothing happened. Suddenly the room swirled about her, and the sensation of falling struck her. She fell, face first towards the floor, and fell through it… and kept falling, falling, falling. The sensation passed, and she blinked. The room about her wasn't the light-filled regal-looking chamber anymore, but a dull, dark, stinking cell.

"Guten Tag, liebeling. So good to see that you are awake!"

She screamed.


	4. Haemoglobin

Chapter 4: Haemoglobin

_At the time they cut me free _

_I was brimming with defiance _

_Doctors looking down on me _

_Breaking every law of science _

_How'd I ever end up here? _

_A latent strain of color blindness _

_Then it seemed to dawn on me _

_Haemoglobin is the key _

_As they drag me to my feet _

_I was filled with incoherence _

_Theories of conspiracy _

_The whole world wants my disappearance _

_I'll go fighting nail and teeth _

_You've never seen such perseverance _

_Gonna make you scared of me _

_Cause haemoglobin is the key_

The room was gray. That was the first impression that it gave me. A single light bulb hung from the ceiling, filling the room with a flickering light. They stood over me, smiling.

"We had thought that you were going to sleep forever." The man, whom I vaguely recognized, pursed his lips. "We were almost to the point of just taking your head off, but then you decided to rejoin the world of the living. So, there you have it." He turned away, shuffling slowly out of the room. I sat there for a moment, dazed and completely unaware of what was going on. The others just stood there, staring at me, as if they'd seen someone rise from the dead. I slunk out of bed, my feet meeting cold concrete floor. One of the people in the room, a tall man with thick glasses and chin-length white hair, approached me.

"Here." He handed me a bundle of clothing. "Get dressed." He turned away, and shooed the rest of the spectators – a man wearing a captain's uniform and a woman who seemed to be completely tattooed – out of the room. I unfolded the bundle, took out the clothing and dressed myself. I was provided with a brown suit and white button-down blouse, undergarments, and a pair of shoes. There were no socks. Apparently they had been forgotten. When I had finished, I turned to the doctor and tapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm done." He turned and nodded. He studied me for a moment, his blue eyes seeming ridiculously large through the magnification of his glasses, then nodded again.

"Guten. Now, come with me." He opened the door and I stepped out into a dimly lit corridor. It, like the walls of my tiny room, was a dismal gray. Rusted light fixtures protruded from what I now realized were concrete walls. The air hung heavy with the scent of something I couldn't quite place, but thinking back on it now it smelled of preserved war. It smelt like Berlin did just before I was taken away. We walked in silence down the seemingly endless hall, and with each step I took a feeling of dread grew in me. We came to a door that was painted bright orange, and he opened it. "In here."

I stepped into the room, which was dimly lit by flickering fluorescent lights. Everything seemed heavy and oppressive. It was a laboratory they had brought me to. Another laboratory. Fear seized me, and I turned to flee. Herr Doktor, however, caught me by the wrist. "Come on, now." I swallowed hard, my throat so dry it seemed filled with dust. He led me further into the room, and picked me up, and set me on a table. I must have started crying, because he turned to me and handed me a tissue. I sat there shaking, trying to hide that I was afraid, trying to fake control. He walked over to the opposite side of the lab, and returned with a syringe. I cried out, and leapt off the table, scampering into a corner. _Not again. Please, not again. _I sat there cowering, hissing that he should keep away. Amidst my fear and rage, I became aware of the feeling that I had wet myself, and groaned slightly, embarrassed that I could not control myself in the onset of fear. I felt like an animal. I felt as if I was going to lose all control. I wanted to lash out at these people, how dare they try to do this to me again! The doctor looked at me, and patted my head. I was so angry. "Ja, are you hungry?" His concern startled me out of my rage.

"Um. Ja." I nodded weakly. I hadn't noticed that I was hungry until he mentioned it, but now that I was aware of it I felt as if there were a great beast in my belly, gnawing at my insides. He picked me up and told me to see to myself, giving me a clean smock. He walked over to a phone and picked it up, talking softly into the receiver. He spent several minutes in hushed conversation, then finally hung up. I must have looked a sight, shaking, crying, cold and wet, in my clothing that was too big for me. He looked at me for a long moment, then burst into laughter.

"You look as if you think I'm going to eat you!" I tried to hold back my tears, but his laughter turned my fear into embarrassment, and I started bawling. I sobbed until I couldn't sit up anymore, and at that point I was aware of him enfolding me in his arms, stroking my hair while I sobbed relentlessly. I felt so alone. Betrayed by the man that took my life to save it. Betrayed by my country that I had loved and that had failed to protect me. Betrayed even by myself, my lack of control. I cried until I ran out of tears. He took my soiled clothing off of me and cleaned me with a soft, damp rag. I felt as if I was a baby again, and cried a bit more because of this humiliation. He dressed me in the smock and then covered me over with a blanket. Several minutes passed, and I slipped in and out of sleep.

"Sit up, little one," he said gently. I did as I was ordered. I could smell food, and I immediately regained interest in the room and the man who was speaking to me. He brought me a tray, then returned to his own. He lifted the lid on his dish to reveal steaming hot food. Meat, vegetables, potatoes, everything one could want for a meal. I lifted the lid on my tray, but I was not met by a waft of steam. On the plate there were two bags, in them a thick red substance. I wretched, put off my dinner by this cruel joke. Surely they didn't expect me to drink blood…

"Herr Doktor?" He looked up at me from his meal.

"Ja?" I must have made a pitiable face, for he got up and walked over to me. I burst into tears.

"I wanted potatoes!"

- end chapter 4 -


	5. Behind Blue Eyes

Chapter 5: Behind Blue Eyes

_But my dreams_

_They aren't as empty _

_As my conscience seems to be _

_I have hours, only lonely _

_My love is vengeance _

_That's never free _

_No one knows what it's like _

_To feel these feelings _

_Like I do _

_And I blame you._

She awoke to find herself face-down in the soft carpet. Shaking herself, she sat up, trying to regain her senses. The room was lit by fading sunlight, the colours were bright and jewel-like. She sat a moment more before getting to her feet. She looked about the room, and after a few moments her eyes came to rest on clothing that had been laid out for her. She unfolded the clothing and found herself holding a pale blue dress, made of satin. _Kind of formal for a former enemy_, she thought to herself. She took off the shift she had been dressed in and put on the dress. It fit her perfectly, but had the overall effect of making her look like she was nine again. She sighed at her image in the mirror, and began to pull off the bows. _What do they think I am? A little girl? _She made a vampy face at the mirror, trying to look fierce. She only succeeded in making herself laugh. _I _ DO _look like a little girl. _She shook her head and proceeded to quit the room. Once out in the hall, she was greeted by several servants, and before she could take twenty steps she found herself face to face with Walter.

"Good evening, Miss van Winkle." He smiled at her and winked. "Might I assist you with something?"

"No, well, maybe. I was just looking for something to do… Make myself useful, you know…" She felt suddenly shy. He smiled.

"I bet you're wanting to speak with Alucard. No worries, I'll find him in a moment for you." He bustled off in the opposite direction of her room, leaving her standing at the top of the stairs.

"Alucard…?" she said quietly. She had no idea who this Alucard was, but everyone seemed to think she would be wanting to speak with him. Walter returned shortly, and, with a stiff bow, gestured that she should walk into one of the rooms at the end of the hall. She started towards it, and walked somewhat slowly down the hall. For some reason she felt as if she should turn and flee. In the back of her mind, this Alucard was working himself into an image of another scientist, another doctor, with another lab and more experiments to run on her. She found herself standing before the door, and hesitated for just a moment before turning the handle and pressing her way into the room.

"Guten Tag, Fräulein," the man hissed. Rip gave a start, not knowing what to expect. As she stood, looking at a figure that was nothing more than shadows, a familiar smell overwhelmed her.

"Sire," she said simply. The man looked up, his face no longer hidden by shadows, and grinned.

"Welcome home, my little one." He opened his arms to her, and she fell into them with a cry. She was home, she was wanted, she was accepted. There was little else she could have desired more. She lay in his embrace for a long while, then stood, and bared her fangs at him. He looked at her with amusement.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME WITH THEM?"

She began to cry, tears streaming over her thin, pale cheeks, her violet eyes large and wet. She sobbed uncontrollably, and found herself, like in her nightmares, angry and frustrated at her lack of control. She was supposed to be a killer, raised from childhood to destroy and mangle. This whole emotion thing was ridiculous. Alucard rose slowly, picked her up and carried her back to his chair, where, for the first time in several decades, he found himself offering comfort. She was still so very small. He suspected that her seeming "age" was an illusion, and that, physically, she was still that tiny girl he rescued from Auschwitz all those years ago. He closed his eyes, and placed a kiss on her forehead. When her sobbing subsided, and her ragged breathing turned into a soft mewing, he carried her back to the room she had been given. He tucked her under the covers, and placed another kiss softly on her forehead. For a moment, he felt a twinge of guilt for having embraced this tiny, helpless thing. _She is greater now than she ever would have been had I not given her my gift_, he thought to himself. The thought quieted him, though it did not relieve the sudden heaviness that weighed in his heart.

"You're getting soft, Alucard." Her voice was sudden and cold. Unexpected. He smiled, turned slowly to face Her.

"Am I, Master?" She glared at him, her blue eyes hiding the fact that she was indeed upset with him, rather than merely annoyed. He smiled again.

"I've never seen you coddle anyone like you're coddling her. Never. Not even Victoria." Alucard stared at her for a time, then nodded.

"The police girl is a different situation that her," he gestured towards Rip's sleeping figure. "I was never able to protect her. Serras is well adjusted and was capable of handling herself." He turned back to Rip. "Rivenna…" he spoke her name in his true voice, letting it slip off his tongue like honey, "was only a child when I took her from Life and placed her upon Death's doorstep."

Integra looked at him sharply. "How old was she when you embraced her, Alucard?"

He glanced back at his master. "She was nine. Nine years old."

Integra looked a little more than put off. "NINE? NINE, Alucard? What were you thinking!"

"That, perhaps, I might be able to save her. Perhaps I could make he something greater that what Fate had already decided what she was going to be. I never expected to lose her."

Integra stood quietly for a long moment, then sighed. "You're hopeless."

"I know."

She shook her head. "Perhaps you should figure out what you're going to do with her now that you've found her again. I'm not going to keep feeding someone who has nothing to contribute to my household." With that, she turned and left.

"She'll have a use, my master. She will be more useful than you can ever imagine…." He smiled. "She is going to be the key to my freedom."

- end chapter 5 -


	6. Standing

Chapter 6: Standing

_And will the World stay standing still, at least for me?_

I had spent several months between training and medical exams. It was getting old, quickly. I had no choice but to do what they told me to do, elsewise I would find myself out upon the streets, a starving vampire, or perhaps I would find myself with a stake through the heart. I looked and often acted like a child, though they had informed me that I had been sleeping for nearly twenty-five years. I gained the nickname "Rip van Winkle" because of the time I had been asleep, and the fact that I was often too worn out to stay awake during normal training hours. They would often find me curled up in a pile of clothing or asleep on a rug, dozing away. No matter what I did, I couldn't seem to stay awake. Something weighed on me, tugging me down, exhausting me. No matter what I did or how well I did it, whether I ate enough or seemingly got enough rest, I found myself burdened throughout the day. Herr Doktor was constantly taking blood and urine samples from me, and I found myself the subject of hundreds of tests. Training consisted of intense physical labor, and a lot of running. Much of it was done during the day, which had the added effect of making me sick to my stomach, though I never burned. I remember that there was an evening when I finally found out what the heavy feeling that I constantly had was. I had dawdled in Herr Doktor's laboratory, napping for a bit on a couch he had in the corner, when I awoke to the sound of the Herr General's voice. He was talking at a low level, but because my hearing was so sharp I could make out every word he said clearly. He was speaking with Captain and the Herr Doktor, while the little Katzenjunge sat purring like a whore on his lap.

"Herr General," Doc began, "I am concerned about our little _nosferatu_'s well-being. She seems to be at a perfectly normal level in all of her tests, yet she continues to be exhausted. Perhaps your bindings on her should be loosed a tad…."

Herr Krieg cut him off. "Ja, I would if I could, but I cannot afford to lose her. If the bindings are tight, then I know she is mine, ours. She is a great service to Deutschland, and to das Millennium. If we were to lose her, then she would be in the hands of the filthy enemy. I could not permit that to happen to her. It would compromise the little security we have. No. I will not do it." The room fell into a murmur of conversation, with the occasional shout from Herr Krieg and protest from Doc, often followed by a distinct "miau" of complaint from Schrodinger. As their conversation turned into a squabble about ethics and ideology and metaphysics, I began to realize the implications of what was being done to me. Bound, magically, to this group. This group of Nazi holdovers. The people that had imprisoned me and my mother, who had stopped my father from re-entering the country to take us away from the danger we knew we were in. They had scorned me and my kind, killed us like we were cattle, wiped us out like we were a heathen plague. And I here I was, a toy that they could use at their whim. It outraged me, but there was nothing I could do. As long as I was bound, I was their puppet. I would get my revenge somehow, if it took all the strength I had. Not now, but soon. I would be free soon. From listening to them I also picked up on a few facts about my current condition. I knew next to nothing about being a vampire, only that I was one and thus needed blood to live. I had heard all kinds of rumors about them, but I had come to find that most of them were untrue. Garlic wasn't a problem, nor was sunlight. I needed blood to survive, and they threatened to stake me, but besides that, nothing else was hinted at. I could not turn into a bat, or a cat, or mist. I decided to press the matter with Herr Doc, and to do as I was told for as long as I could stand to. Doc spoke again.

"Ja, I will do what I can for her, to keep her strength up. Just keep it in mind that I think your methods might not be the most… efficient." Herr General nodded, then dismissed everyone, with the meeting at an end, the group began to disperse. I held my breath, hoping that I would not be caught, and that if I was, they would have thought I was asleep. The room emptied without event, and I allowed myself to fall back asleep.

"Ja, get up." I awoke to Herr Krieg poking me with the tip of his cane. "We have been looking for you for three hours! No more snooze for you, little girl." I stumbled to my feet, and went to the washroom. I went through the morning routine methodically, and didn't say very much. I was more tired this morning than I had ever been. "You are a lazy thing. If you're going to be so lazy, then you can carry more of a burden." He tightened his fist around something invisible in the air, and suddenly I felt myself being pulled, dragged towards him. My throat tightened and my hands clenched involuntarily.

"What are you doing?" He didn't answer me, merely smiled. A nasty, know-it-all grin.

"Proving to you that your laziness isn't going unseen. Now, out with you! Go do what you're supposed to be doing." He lowered his fist, and the pressure that had engulfed me lessened. I hastily rushed out the door. "…And don't even think of trying to desert us, little one. You need this, it's for the good of your own soul. Service to us purges your filthy Roma blood." From then on I avoided Krieg as much as I could. I suspected he somehow was able to read my thoughts, and I wanted as little of that as possible.

As the years passed by, I began to lose all hope of ever being free from my service to das Millennium. As time passed, and the day began to become filled by missions rather than training and tests, I found that in the killing, in the moment, I felt free. I did it as often as I could, sometimes unnecessarily. I wiped out whole armies and families, and once I destroyed an entire village. Like my first night as a vampire, in Auschwitz, I killed uncontrollably, indiscriminately. I couldn't slake my thirst for freedom, so I used blood as a substitute, and it worked. For a time, I forgot that there was anything more to me than my work for das Millennium.

- end chapter 6 -


	7. Flood

Chapter 7: Flood

_Calm the storms that drench my eyes _

_And dry the streams still flowing _

_Cast down all the waves of sin _

_And guilt that overthrow me…_

Rip awoke to find that the manor and her reunion with her Sire was not a dream. She almost dared not to hope for it, in that moment that she awoke, still in the gray of sleep, dared not to open her eyes, lest they reveal the cold dark of her bomb shelter prison. However, when she finally managed to convince herself to do so, she was met by the sight of the warm, welcoming room. She repeated her actions of the previous day: washed, dressed, then left the room, in search of her Sire. She did so quickly, and after a quick breakfast, she found herself whisked off by Alucard for "duty."

"By the way, I think you should know," Rip looked up intently at her Sire, "You've got a little 'sister.'" He smirked.

"A what?" Rip replied, rather puzzled. They were approaching the docking bay now, where the soldiers were lined up in formation, doing weapon checks and bantering quietly amongst themselves.

"Master!" came a shout from the crowd, and a thin, bubbly girl came running up to her and Alucard. She had bright red hair and pale white skin. The contrast made her look rather severe. She would have likely intimidated Rip, had she not been grinning like a fool.

"Police Girl, this is your big sister, Rivenna. Rivenna, this is your sister, Serras." The girl bobbed a curtsy as best as she could while carrying a large gun and an ammo case.

"'Ello!" she said cheerfully, if not a bit shyly. Rip eyed the girl. She was short for someone who was supposedly full grown, and far too perky-looking to be a vampire. Light of eye and personality, she walked with a skip. She was most certainly not the "sister" she had expected. "I didn't know I had a sister!" she smiled. Alucard nodded, and turned away.

"You two get to know each other. I've got some matters to attend to." He walked away, leaving the two girls standing alone.

"So, how old are you?"

"In vampire age, or physical age?"

"Either, both." She grinned insipidly.

"Well, I am sixty-five in vampire years and…"

"Sixty-five! You don't look a day over 15!"

"Most likely not. I was changed when I was nine."

"Nine! Why so young!"

Rip twitched slightly. "Well, it was either die by his hand or the Nazis'."

"Goodness." She shook her head.

"I was prisoner in Auschwitz."

"Really?"

Rip nodded.

"That's horrible."

Rip sighed. Serras, apparently unaware of the seriousness of the subject, began to ramble about das Millennium and fighting them, and how several of the members met their fate at "Master's" hands. Rip rolled her eyes, and nodded periodically as Serras babbled on. A good forty-five minutes passed while Serras continued her summary of the battle. Fortunately there was a roll call, and Serras was pulled away from the conversation. Rip heaved a sigh of relief. Had the girl not been a vampire, she would have probably eaten her. She watched her trot off, her skirt far too short for "field duty." Rip shook her head and laughed to herself. _I have a very strange family._

"What do you think, little one?" She flinched slightly at the pet name. Apparently this was a new habit of his.

"Ja, I think her boobies have had a nulling effect on her head, and her skirt is too short, but besides that, she seems, well…. Edible, I suppose, and, um, nice."

He grinned. "Good. You'll be working with her quite a bit, if things go as planned." Rip withheld a snort. "Are you ready for your first mission, little one?"

"I wish you would not call me that." She made a slightly pouty face, and tried desperately to cover it up. She didn't want him to think it bothered her as much as it actually did. He laughed, then grinned his insane grin.

"All right then, bite-size. Shall we get going?"

Days faded into weeks which turned quickly into months. She hardly noticed the passage of time or the changing of seasons in Hellsing Manor. Her time there was pleasant, and passed with little trouble, though all she had known of life for sixty-some years had been death, pain, and horror, so it was not hard to feel safe. She found herself well fed, and no longer tired, as well as relatively content. But something nagged her. After a few years of having been in the Hellsing house, a restlessness stirred in her. She often caught Alucard and Integra in secret embraces, not doing anything particular, just… holding each other. Serras had the attention of the entire 3rd and 1st squadrons, and half of the 2nd's. The rest were either straight women or gay men. None of them looked at Rip, however. They never saw her as an object of lust like Serras was, never saw her as an object of leadership, like Sir Integra. Never really saw her at all. On a late night, when the pulling was particularly strong, she went to her Master's chambers.

"Sire?" She knocked softy.

"Come in, little one." She opened the door and stepped into the candlelit room. He was sitting in an overstuffed chair, upholstered in a horrid red velvet. Before him on the table sat a glass, and lay a knife. "Come sit." He patted his lap. She climbed up on his knee and felt very small indeed, and he lay his hands on her shoulders, resting his weight on her. "What do you want, little one?" She sat utterly still for a moment, thinking intensely.

"I don't know. I feel it inside me, but I don't know what it is. Like I need to go somewhere. I thought I was homesick at first, but…"

"But?"

"But now, I don't know. I don't think I want to go home to Germany. I don't want to live the memories over during the day as well as the night…" Her tone became hushed at her confession of nightmares. "I think I want a companion. Like you have Integra… someone to keep me and to hold me and to love me."

Alucard chuckled softly. "Do you think Integra my master feels that way about me?" Rip looked up into his eyes, violet meeting crimson.

"Doesn't she? I mean…" Alucard eyed her. "I mean… I've seen you hold her. I know she's cold in front of people, but I thought…."

"Thought she might be different in private?" He laughed. "Sir Integra van Helsing is the Snow Queen, the Ice Bitch. She melts for no one. Especially, she often reminds me, not for the likes of me." Alucard hissed. Rip sat puzzled for a moment. She had been so sure that they were close.

"I dunno. I still like the idea of having someone to hold me and such."

He laughed. "That's very quaint, little one. Very quaint." He paused for a moment, seemingly on the edge of words, then discarded them to pick up the glass and take a sip of the dark liquid it held. Rip wrinkled her nose as the scent of bitter licorice overtook her. _Absinthe,_ she thought. They sat several moments more, no words passing between them, but rather, in an exchange of thoughts. A conclusion had come, and they, once more without words, stood to act. He took the knife from the table and opened his vein to her. She hesitated for a moment, as the thick, dark fluid welled up and threatened to spill over his ivory skin. She placed her lips to the wound, and drank deeply. An eternity passed between them, and, suddenly, violently, he pulled away, leaving her thirst half-quenched. "Sleep now. For you will leave me and this place in the morrow." She collapsed onto the bed, dark waves of sleep washing over her.

_I am a fool for letting her go. And even more of a fool for not turning her on Integra,_ Alucard sulked. Four hundred-some years of not giving a damn, and here he was, being mushy over a childeling vampire. Granted, she was HIS childeling, but that shouldn't affect the situation. He had killed childer before. He'd stood by and watched while Lucy Westenra was staked by van Helsing and his crew, he'd allowed his only son to run off, not to be seen for years, and then nearly beaten him to death when he dared to return. _She should be no different,_ he growled. _I could have Integra van Helsing any damn night I please. I'm just toying with her. I don't need Rip to disable her to get at her, I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself. This is just a way to pass time, to entertain myself._ Rip's words about intimacy and love bit at him. _This is ridiculous._ He left the library and headed outdoors. He took a breath, taking in the scent of night, of lilac, and the faint scent of Integra, which drifted down from her open windows. He smiled. _What a beautiful night. A perfect night for a walk._ He turned on his heel and went back into the Manor. _But tonight, I will not walk alone._

- end chapter 7 -


	8. Millenium

Chapter 8: Millennium

_And when we come we always come too late _

_I often think that we were born to hate _

_get up and see the sarcasm in my eyes._

My alarm clock jarred me awake. I slammed it into the wall, causing it to stop its noise. Today was going to be an unusual day. We had a mission to go on, but it was not like any other we had ever planned before. Most of our missions had been dull and routine up until now. But today we were talking on the filthy Protestants. I salivated at the thought of their sweet blood on my lips, of the mass amounts of casualty I would inflict. Never before had I seen such an assemblage of troops on the part of das Millennium, and I could not wait until we began the assault.

Herr Krieg entered my room as I was taking my breakfast, beaming with confidence. "Leibling, today we have a day of VICTORY, Ja?" I nodded vigorously, my mouth too full of toast and blood to speak. "Ja…" He seemed to wander off into a daydream, his thoughts filled with ambition and lust. Lust for power, and lust for the destruction of this organization. Over the years, I had developed an ability to read his thoughts. The bindings that held me also held him, and we were able to communicate without words most of the time. However, I suspect that I became slightly better at reading him as the years passed, while he maintained his original level of clarity. It was because of this I was able to hide my emotions, my hatred, from him. Secretly, on the darkest of nights in the darkest of corners, I allowed my fantasies to run rampant. I dreamed of home before the war, of myself becoming a demon and taking on all the Nazis, and wiping them out, saving the Motherland. I dreamed I was a hero, because I infiltrated das Millennium as a vampire and killed them all. I dreamed that my Sire loved me and wanted me, and would protect me no matter what. That he walked through the fires of Auschwitz to find me, and carried me home, safe and sound, to some castle on a hill. Krieg could never get at my hatred. He turned again to me and smiled. "Ja. You are ready?" I nodded. "Let's go, then."

"If you have a moment..?" the Herr Doktor stopped me. He took an oddly shaped package and pressed it into my hands. I unwrapped the present to reveal a beautifully crafted flint-lock rifle. It was made of a dark walnut wood, stained evenly and perfectly. On the butt of the gun there was silver leaf entwined with hammered brass. It was longer than I was tall, yet amazingly light. At the very bottom, in scrolling letters, my name, Rip, was carved into the wood. It brought tears to my eyes. I have never been given anything so fine.

"Danke…" I could not say any more.

"I want you to be careful, Rivenna," he said to me in a soft, serious voice. "We never know what's going to happen." He smiled his crooked smile at me. "It's got magic bullets. They always find their mark." He then turned back and began to bustle about his lab. I left the room confident. I was certain today would be a victory for me, if not for the rest of das Millennium. The walk down the hall and out into the night filled me with anxiety, however. I felt like something was coming…

I stepped out into the open courtyard, and listened as Krieg gave his usual victory speech. He rambled on and on for a number of minutes I did not count, and then we were dismissed. We began loading supplies when a screeching filled the air. I took a breath, and then the sound of an explosion shook the air. We were suddenly under attack! I ran for the carrier, dodging pieces of flying debris, ignoring the screams of the humans who were now being blown to bits. I took my new gun, put a bullet and powder into the chamber and pounded them down with the rammer. I saw that there was a plane circling the carrier, and I took aim at it. As I was about to shoot, it turned and started into a nose dive. I headed for the flight deck of the carrier. The plane had circled back for a better angle to hit the deck at, so I thought I would make him a NICE BIG TARGET so he would be sure to hit it. Taking the dead bodies of the men on deck, I dragged them around the deck. First, I drew a circle, and in that circle I painted the twisted cross of the Nazi party. It only took five bodies to get enough blood to do it. Not knowing what kind of kick my new gun would have, I lay down on the deck, in the middle of the swastika and, using my leg, aimed up at the plane. It was headed straight for me, and I waited, waited for the perfect moment, and fired. The bullet darted through the air like a silver streak of lighting. It hit its mark perfectly. A second later, however, the bullet burst through the side of the plane, ripping another hole in it. Then, to my disbelief, the bullet re-entered the plane again. This repeated until there was nothing left. Scraps fell to the deck in a pile of dust and smoke. I cackled, victorious. My laugher was cut short, however, when I realized that the Nothing left was heading straight for me. Sudden explosions shook the deck, and knocked me to my knees. I tried to stand with the aid of my gun, but it was no use. The Nothing began to come at me faster and faster, and as it raced towards me it laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

- end chapter 8 -


	9. Save Tonight

Chapter 9: Save Tonight

_Save tonight and fight the break of dawn _

_Come tomorrow – tomorrow I'll be gone._

She awoke at sunset to find a suitcase had been packed and a fresh outfit laid out for her. She got up, stupid from sleep and still trying to shake the nightmares away, and washed her face. _Does he not want me?_ she was confused, hurt on some level. She had served her Sire and his Master faithfully, and now she was being turned out onto the streets. Outrage and fear swelled within her, and she took up her bags and started upstairs. At the door, Walter was waiting. She had developed a liking of Walter over the few years she had lived in the Hellsing house, and seeing him, leaving him, hurt. She burst into tears.

"Oh, little love. You know you don't have to leave."

She sniffled. "How can I not? He told me that last night was my last night in the house. My bags are packed."

He took her in his arms. "Alucard does not have the final say in things here. He gave me the idea that you wanted to leave, but if you don't…."

"He told me I had to go. He did a ritual, I think it was, and told me I was going to leave. It's implied that I'm not wanted here," she said between sobs. He patted her head and rocked her slowly.

"Did he give you his blood, little one?" She nodded. "Ahhh, so he has made you a No Life King. That means you're free to go, free to have your own life."

"But I don't know HOW to have my own life! All I've ever known was killing and death!" She lay helplessly in his arms for a moment, then he took her and stood her up.

"Then it's high time you learn." He smiled. "And if you decide you want to, you can always come home to us." He hugged her again, and pressed a basket into her hands. "For the trip. Make sure it keeps cold." He hugged her once more, then kissed her on the forehead. "Good journey to you, little love. And good fortune. May God be with you every step." She smiled sadly, then gathered her thoughts and left the house. On her walk to the car, she found herself face to face with her Sire.

"You are no longer weak, Rivenna. You are no longer a child. You would do well to look your age." Rip stopped, glaring at him slightly. "Which, I would guess, is around nineteen. Heh." He smirked, and waited. Torn between asking him how she could manage such a thing as changing her appearance and yelling at him for abandoning her again, she stood and said nothing. She bit her lip.

"Nineteen, ja?" He grinned. "How do I do it?"

"Imagine yourself at nineteen, envision what you think you would look like. Then push yourself into it." She stood quietly, doing as she told. Nothing happened for several minutes, then suddenly, she felt herself tremble, push _forward_ in a way. Her flesh strained and stretched, and everything inside her quivered. With a sudden snap, everything seemed to fall back into place, and she stood before her Sire, looking rather more like a woman, but still distinctly lacking in height. "You're still bite-sized." He grinned. Her clothing had even changed to suit her new body, adding to the fact that she was suddenly much more shapely than she had ever been. It had never occurred to her that she would be able to look different, let alone grown up. She smiled to herself. She looked up to thank her Sire, but he was gone. Fighting tears, she got into the car.

She was driven into London proper, where she was given money for a plane ticket, and Walter explained how she could draw on the pension Hellsing was providing. _Where to go, I wonder?_ She sat in Heathrow International for a good long while, debating whether she should go back to Germany, catch a cab back to the manor, or go somewhere entirely different. She looked at brochures for exotic lands and far-off places, considered the Orient, or Africa, or the Caribbean, maybe the United States, no, New Zealand. She sat for six hours, debating on it. She was nearly ready to go back to the manor when a large family entered the airport. There were five children and a mother and a father, along with a grandmother. The children were all laughing, and talking rapidly in their native tongue about this and that. She could make out a few words, enough to know that they were speaking Italian, but she could not make out where they were headed. So she approached the mother and said "Scusarme, Signora, but where are you going to? I know that might seem an odd question, but it's important."

The woman smiled "Signorina, we are returning home, to Roma." She smiled sweetly. "We like to travel, but what we like even more is being home again." Rip nodded her thanks, and walked over to the counter.

"One ticket to Rome, please."

- end chapter 9 -


End file.
